When blinded by infatuation, we often fail to see the signs that signify the early stages of demise within the relationship. The following phrases used by your date should raise concern about their genuineness. While these phrases alone are by no means deal breakers, they should not be taken for granted, and in some cases, should be treated as early warnings that the relationship may be going in a wrong direction.
I Would Never Do That To You
A good rule of thumb is to always watch out for these ultimate statements. While your date may genuinely feel that they never would want to inflict any sort of pain on you, it is sometimes unavoidable. The mature dater would shy away from making announcements that they may regret later on.
Usually, those daters who try to make it crystal clear through words that they would never do a specific act to you (hurt you, yell at you, cheat on you, hit you…etc,) often are subconsciously making these statements to themselves. If there is no inkling within them to do such a thing, they probably wouldn’t feel the need to say anything (this is of course overruled if you constantly ask them if they would perform these heinous acts).
Other versions of this statement include “I am not like your Ex, I wouldn’t do that to you”, or “I am not like other guys / girls” (Murphy’s law would argue that the statement almost always proves that they are exactly like other guys / girls), or even any sort of acknowledgement that their gender is twisted (“most guys are like that” or “ most girls are like that”), as if attempting to distance themselves from their sex.
You Are So Much Better To Me Than My Ex
This statement, or any version thereof, only proves one thing: that they are still not over their ex. If your date needs to compare you to their ex, even if the comparison is in your favor, this is a serious cause for concern. This means that there still is some unresolved business between your date and their ex, and if you are not careful, you might be dropped like a hot potato at the first glimpse of a chance of their reunion.
Not to fret, this is natural, as many of us get into new relationship while still harboring feelings (be it loving or bitter) towards our ex. It is imperative that you do not given into these comparisons, thinking that you are allowing them to see how much of a better person you are from their ex. The smart thing to do is to let them know (nicely please) that you don’t appreciate being compared to anyone – you are your own being, and would like to be treated as such. Chances are, they don’t even notice doing it, and will be conscious about it from then on.
You Are The Best Thing That Has Ever Happened To Me
It is best, for your own emotional safety, not to believe statements made in the heat or spur of the moment. Of course, if the relationship endured significant time and peril, then yes, the statement would be very precious and emotionally valid. However, if the statement has been made after a few dates – especially after a shared passionate or intimate moment – then you should not melt into a joyful frenzy; be cautious of your date.
It is not the actual phrase that is cause for alarm, it is the fact that your date seems to be one that cannot control their emotions, making ultimate statements based on a few seconds of joy – or worse, making statements like these to feed your ego and seduce you into thinking they are true, for whatever reason. In both cases, you are being lied to and taken advantage of. Those who say sweet nothings on the spur of the moment can easily retract everything in a split second, leaving you heartbrokenly confused as to why such things were said.
I Am Not Ready: Can We Be Something In-between Friends and Lovers
The answer should always be “No!” (Yes the exclamation mark is important). Your date can tell you the saddest story about her emotional abusive ex, or how their career is going crazy at the moment (whether its going too well or too bad) and can’t afford time for a relationship, or how they are just not ready for any sort of commitment at the moment. They like you, want to spend time with you, but would rather be with you without “labels”.
What they are really saying is that they want to give themselves an easy way out in case they ever want to leave you – a cart blanche if you will, to treat you like crap and keep you hanging on, just because you “are not officially together”. Even if your date doesn’t seem to be as malicious as the previous sentence described, people who make that statement often want to feel secure and completely detached of any sort of guilt they may feel if they ever decide to leave you. This is not something that you should agree to, obviously, as it means that your date will probably go along with you for the fun stuff, yet instantly abandon you when the going gets tough.
I Love You
If this infamous statement is uttered within the first few weeks or even months of dating, be aware. Love develops after a significant amount of time (read up on the stages of any healthy relationship to determined what significant means), so it is obviously untrue if one says it too soon in the relationship. A person who says it within the first few months of a relationship possibly doesn’t actually know what love means. They may be caught up in the moment or saying it in order to manipulate you.
What your date probably means is that they are enjoying the temporary feelings of euphoria and they think that you are responsible. You may be feed their ego, making them feel wanted, needed, loved, cherished, adored…etc. Notice how none of these things are about you. Such “love” is also known as infatuation, and the fear is that once that feeling of euphoria is gone, your partner thinks they are out of love with you and leave you – oblivious to the fact that they have never loved you, and are missing out on a chance to love you.
Words are cheap. It is very easy for someone to blurt out a few poetic phrases every now and then, because they felt charming at the moment, yet very difficult to prove these poetic gestures through action (and no, showering them with expensive gifts is not what is meant by action). Before you feel comfortable in your relationship to take it a step further, ask yourself what has your partner done to prove their feelings to you – and more importantly, what have you done to your partner to prove your feelings to them.