Sometimes people ignore the warning signs indicating that a partnership is heading for trouble and are then surprised when they find themselves in a big argument or are headed for separation or divorce.
Just as a garden needs constant weeding, watering and nurturing, so does a relationship need to be worked for, and nourished with tenderness and care. Here are a few questions to help a person make an assessment about the health of his or her relationship.
Has There Been a Need to Lie Within the Partnership?
Of course, little lies that are done for the benefit of the partner, like hiding a birthday present and covering up the purchase, or delaying the timing to share some bad news to a more peaceful occasion, are not the kind of lies that are spoken of here.
Is there a perceived need to lie about an event, an encounter or a conversation? If so, what is the motivation behind the secrecy? It is the reason why a lie is told that will reveal its true nature. If the lie is meant to protect the partner who tells it, and causes there to be a veil of secrecy within the partnership, then perhaps it is pointing to a weakness within the relationship.
Partners often say, “I lied because I didn’t want to upset you.” But if the partner would find out the truth from someone else, would they not be even more upset?
Does One Partner Have Less Time for the Other?
Sometimes there is a perfectly valid explanation, if one partner suddenly becomes busy and has less time for the other partner. He might have started a new job or need to look after a sick parent, relative or friend.
But if none of these circumstances are applicable, then perhaps it is time to find out what has changed. When one of the partners becomes evasive about his time and is suddenly busy for no apparent reason, perhaps it is time to re-evaluate the partnership.
Do the Partners Laugh and Yawn Together?
In a successful partnership, both partners will have similar interests, ideals and goals. When there is a vast amount of exchange between people, there are times when excess energy needs to be discharged. That is when laughter occurs. Sometimes it can become quite infectious and uncontrollable. This usually happens after a long period of intensely working together, whether physically, mentally or emotionally.
Laughter is a sign of energy excess, just as yawning is a sign of energy depletion. If one partner starts yawning, he probably needs to supplement his energies by taking deep in-breaths. If the other partner then responds in kind, by yawning as well, it simply means that both partners are on the same frequency and the second partner is taking her energy back.
In a crowded room, one can sometimes observe the phenomenon of a chain reaction – one person yawns, that triggers another, then another, as it travels around of the room, finding people on a similar frequency.
When Something Important Occurs in One Partner’s Day, Who Does he Want to Tell First?
If it is not his partner, the question must be asked, why not? Within a close partnership, communication is frequent and intimate, and information is openly shared. One partner’s problem becomes the concern of the other and the successes of one partner are celebrated by both.
If one partner begins to look outside of the partnership for confirmation and sympathy, then perhaps there is a breakdown of trust within the partnership.
Does One Partner Irritate the Other?
Of course, there are always little things that people do that are irritating to their partners. This can be resolved by talking about it and by the person with the irritating habit being prepared to control her actions or modify her behavior. If this is not possible – say, one partner has an irritating cough or other condition due to health issues – then the other partner needs to learn to live with it, accept it and understand it.
But habits that earlier on in a relationship are acceptable and even endearing, but later become irritating, can be indications that perhaps it is time to take a closer look at the relationship and whether better communication is needed.
Irritation is a sign of the clashing of incompatible energies. It could be an influence from a third person that has, inadvertently or deliberately, come between the partners to set them at odds with each other.
So these five indicators can be used as a barometer to check the health of a relationship. If two or three answers to these questions indicate there is trouble ahead – it is time for both partners to re-look at their relationship and find ways to solve their differences.